The Road Back

asdjfh#o4t8u(@a;oi#$%$v49q30[4ut9  Why didn't anyone tell me what to expect when I return home after 5 months of traveling?!?!  aio^%*&(c48at/qo;cq48tvy  

Flying over Borneo

I've been back in the US for 3 weeks now after traveling through southeast Asia for 20 weeks.  From the minute I got off the plane I felt like I was on a different planet.  The air didn't smell of shrimp paste, streets were clean, I didn't have to search for wifi, and people would look at me strange when I smiled at them - or when I waived at their kids (they smiled at me first!).  The first day back, I was afraid to leave the apartment!  I kept thinking it would mean my vacation was over.  The feeling of adventure and freedom would be over.  

Being back in NY is like meeting up with an old boyfriend.  You were once so close and shared a life together.  Now that you've moved on, how do you relate?  You don't.  So you probably kill time by talking about old mutual friends.  That was my approach to NY.  I found a place to live near my old apartment, ate at all of my favorite eateries I'd missed while gone, etc.  But it all feels so different.  It almost feels annoying.  I'm use to having constant stimulation by something different that all of these things that stayed the same feel blaaaah.  Then a good friend said something to me that totally changed my perspective: 

"Why does your vacation have to end?  What if your entire life could feel like you're on vacation?"    

Damn!  That would be amazing!!  I want that.  How do I feel like I'm on a permanent vacation, yet still do things like work and go to the grocery store?  I thought: "ok, the answer to this is easy.. ART" I'll go and get reacquainted with my art.  

This is where I was thrown into a whirlwind.  I was on such a creative roll right before I left that I thought I could easily pick it back up.  I was wrong.  It's not that easy.  I sit at my favorite cafe staring at an empty sketch book.  Sit at my bench staring at a clean surface (unheard of for a jeweler).  Sit in my room.  Sit in the park.  Sit at the Met (Alexander Wang exhibit is incredible, by the way!). Nothing.  Nada.  Someone shake me!!! 

On top of that, everyone I see or meet that knows about my trip all have this expectation of me, "Wow!  You must have had a lot of inspiration.  Are you designing crazy stuff?!"  Nope.  I am not.  I am unable to design.  I am creatively constipated.   

I don't even want to see my old friends because who wants to admit this?  Who wants to tell people "I went on a 5 month trip and came back a stranger to myself"?

All the while I'm trying to hold onto that vacation feeling.  My freedom.  My love.  My sense of self.  My enthusiasm and hope for the world.  The sounds of jungle.  The smell of the air.  The smiles of little kids - the gleam in their eyes.  I want to hug my last 5 months so hard.  You can say I'm too much in my head.  But maybe I'm too much in my heart. 

So, I've signed a contract with myself, to begin (as cheesy as it may sound) the Artist's Way.  I've decided that this is my opportunity to redefine my relationship with "home".  I'm going to find my permanent vacation.

Deer Cave - see good 'ol Abe Lincoln?

To be continued...

Nature Wins

Is this a subway garden?

As I was taking this photo, a man walked by and said "This is perfect.  Nature wins every time"

Nature's Surprises

Summertime's general rule: Sun = Beach.

EXCEPT in NY, Beach does not always = Sun.  It's like that rule we learned in 3rd grade: a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn't a square (never made sense to me either, don't worry).  One weekend, my consortium of jewelry design friends decided to take our weekly meeting to the beach.  This meant I can work on my tan and expense my bag full of sunblock, magazines, and new itune purchases, right?  

Wrong!  As Janet & I approached Long Island on the train, with Mara Metals waiting to pick us up, nature laughed at us: "muhahaha silly humans.  Just because it was 90 degrees all week doesn't mean it's going to be sunny for you today.  I'm more powerful than weather.com's hour by hour. So there."

I'm happy I went regardless, because nature sent us a surprise...

Mind over matter

Thanks, nature, for the most beautiful sunset I've seen since moving to New York, and thanks for letting me experience it with some of my close friends.  (While we're at it, thanks for the avocado and coconut - looks horribly ugly on the outside but surprisingly awesome on the inside)

For more photos of our trip, check out Janet Mazorie's blog and her beautiful jewelry!

Starving Artist?

Man: Hi, Howzit goin?

Me:   Good, you?

Man: What's with this weather?

Me:  I don't know!  I'm from California, I don't understand the cold...

I was at a bar having your standard string of small talk.  At the time, I recently moved to New York and was in my "I'll talk to anyone because I just moved here" state of mind.   The guy seemed friendly enough - in a button down stripey shirt, sleeves rolled up, black slacks, so-so black shoes, silver fossil watch (all of you have met this guy, I know).

Man:  So what do you do?

Me:    I'm in school.  FIT studying jewelry design.

Man is silent.

Me:    No, I'm not 18.  (I knew what he was thinking)  I changed careers, I was once in corporate finance and now I'm studying jewelry.

Man: Ohhh, you're doing the starving artist thing...

What is that suppose to mean?  Why, because I didn't own a 70" flat screen TV, am still wearing clothes I bought in 2003, and don't have the latest gizmo-gadget-iphone-stormberry - this makes me "starving"?   He's at a bar, on a weekday, coming from work in his robot work clothes - I'd say his happiness is the one starving.  

But I shouldn't be so hard on him because I was once him (well, not exactly him, I'd never wear that outfit, and I never judged other people's lives).  I thought because I was climbing to the top, because I was doing something I'd been trained to do, that I thought I'd been wanting to do my whole life made me "successful".  Because even though I use to work endless hours, I justified it by having enough miles to go on exotic vacations, eat Nobu like they're my personal chef (I didn't really do this), and live the life my parents always wanted me to have...

Douchebag: So why change from finance?

Me:  Because I didn't love it. 

~The END~

I'd love to hear your take on this - please comment!

Happy Cinco de Mayo

She thought she was going to get posted on Facebook, but I think if you're going to wear a taco suit with high heels, it's worthy of the WWW.  

My Sunny Saturday

Directions:
1.  Click this and open in new tab/window
2.  Sit back, relax and slowly scroll through

Welcome to my sunny Saturday...

Walking over the Brooklyn Bridge

Caught in the middle of the NYC 5 Borough Bike Tour

Birds in place of an A/C unit

Someone tell Jem and the Holograms I found their plush guitar

Picnic at Prospect Park

Modern day ant farm?

Stumbled on a BBQ and jam session

We work so hard during the week, it's important for us to take at least 1 day off to appreciate the world around us.  As my friend said "Thank you universe for our sunny day!"  (Can someone please pass the aloe?)

Random Thought: Dog Calls

Waiting for the subway, especially late at night, is painful.  I stand around, staring aimlessly into the subway track (aka New York's massive garbage can - by the way, stop littering).  About every 5 minutes you can see the little rats running around.  They must have so much fun, like living in a jungle gym.  Then I wondered, do rats respond to whistling the way dogs do?  I know this sounds gross, because they're rats so work with me here...


I crouched down, waited for a rat to cross the track, then started whistling the same whistle I use to call Wrigley.  toot toot TOOOOOT... ... toot toot TOOOOOOOOOT... toot... toot? (I'm not very good at this).


It's been confirmed:  Rats do NOT respond to whistling the way dogs do.  
AND people give you weird looks when you're whistling to rats at 1 am.  Anyone else tried it? I'd like to know. 

Watermark and Gary the Marker Man

One of my favorite places to sketch is Doma Café in the West Village, NYC.  I sit in the corner facing the huge windows where I can people watch and drift in and out of thought.  There's always a man, maybe in his late 40's/early 50's drawing people with his fancy markers - any time of day, any day of the week.  Most days he sits outside, and during rain or snow, he'll sit inside (we battle for my favorite seat sometimes).  It reminds me of my sister when she was in high school and college, purposely going to crowded places so she can draw people.  What do you think this man's story is?  He's definitely not homeless - he's got nicely soled shoes and the fancy markers cost a meals worth.

Well I've been creating his story in my head - His name is Bob.  No.. Gary... yeah, it's Gary.  Gary the Marker Man, a famous illustrator.  He's patient, gentle and sweet - much like  Andy Goldworthy, except Gary has splashes of metropolitan.  Gary's got one boy named Alexander, around 7 years old, and a wife, Jillian - a hard working publisher.  It's all connecting now - Gary sketches people so he can come up with children book illustrations (how does that sound?).  He draws people during the day, then takes his drawings home with him and turns them into colorful cartoons at night.  On weekends, he'll go to fancy gala's with his wife, and instead of mingling with people, he'll sneak off to a tucked away corner between the chocolate dipped strawberries and ridiculous ice sculpture so he can continue observing and sketching.  Because this is Gary the Marker Man's way of finding peace amongst his high energy life in New York...    

X    X    X

Shoot, it's 8pm, time to go so I can make it home in time for Lost.  As I'm packing up, a super cool watermark from under my glass caught my eye...

(please don't laugh at my drawings!)

With a hand saw, I create my own die out of acrylic, which was used to create the hallow form shape.

Marriage of metals technique - I saw out the different strips, solder them together, then clean them up (10 hours of bliss and cursing).

28 hours invested, but seeing it done makes it all worth it to me (click here to see the final piece)... These pair of earrings represent my watermark on the world - what is yours?